TW: discussion of dysphoria and b*gotry at school 

Being educated at an all girls public school is a privilege, especially at a school that celebrates  empowering young women. I love my school and I value my education. The only trouble is I don’t identify as a woman. My identity falls under the ‘gender diverse’ umbrella, meaning that I do not identify with the binary gender I was assigned at birth. 

The school I attend is one of the best non-selective public schools in the state, and it is the school that all my older sisters and aunty attended. Changing schools, especially during my HSC, is extremely difficult. Even if I could change to a co-ed school in order to express my identity further, many schools have binary uniforms and do not allow students to wear the uniform outside of their legal sex. All of this makes attending school as someone who identifies as gender diverse taxing. 

Gender is not binary. Someone identifying as gender diverse, also known as genderqueer, is not always obvious.

For example, someone may identify as a man, and may express themselves through wearing “women’s” clothing, such as dresses and skirts. Additionally, just because someone may wear clothes that “are not for” their gender, does not determine their sexuality. Gender identity, gender expression, sex and sexual orientation are all different. Everyone has their own unique individual identity. 

As an adolescent, the brain is rapidly developing. This is the prime time to explore who you want to be and what effect you want to have on those around you. But, through identifying as gender diverse, it limits the amount I am truly able to explore my identity at this prime time as I undergo my education at a single-sex school. School is an institution for education and belonging, but when a student feels limited within their expression it can significantly impact their academic performance. Every morning, I must swallow my pride, put on a uniform that places an assumed pronoun on my forehead, and be educated under a name and gender that is not mine. 

I know that I am not the only person at my school who has experienced this feeling. I have had peers and friends that also identify as gender diverse. Where possible, they have been able to change schools, or have found friends that unconditionally accept them. Some have found contentment at my single-sex school as a person who identifies as gender diverse. We are not all this lucky. 

There have been people at my school who have identified as a man and unable to change schools for a variety of reasons. This often leads to them feeling isolated and disjointed, dramatically affecting their happiness at school. While they may have friends who accept them, they are still subjected to bullying, name-calling and blatant ignorance. 

When gender-diverse students are open about their preferred name and pronouns it is often hard to educate peers so they fully understand the gravity of what this means. I have had peers say to me, “she hasn’t told me to call her (preferred name and pronouns) so i don’t think I should call them that”. This leads to dead-naming by not only staff but from other students they have come out to. Having someone dead-name you is shattering. It reinforces dysphoria, perpetuating thoughts such as “you aren’t good enough”, “what you are feeling isn’t real”, “you are being dramatic”. This makes individuals feel isolated within themselves, blocking them from experiencing the love which they need and deserve. 

I have chosen to not come out at school as gender diverse. While some close friends know, I do not want to tell my broader peers. While it is important to educate people who are cis and/or straight about the LGBTQA+ experience, it is very exhausting having to have to justify and explain your existence everyday. In the past, I have had people say awful things to me about others in my cohort that identify as gender diverse, calling them “melodramatic” and “faking it”. As I know this attitude is very prominent in my school, I have decided it is best, for my own safety, to stay in the closet. 

Every morning I wake up, put on a dress that makes me uncomfortable and respond to a name and pronouns that are not mine. I would prefer to never come out and live under a false name and gender than come out and deal with the daily, inescapable bigotry and ignorance. Where I can I advocate for the LGBTQA+ community with peers and teachers to allow them to grow a deeper understanding for the community. Having people say ignorant and bigoted terms when educating them I accept as it’s a part of the process. But, when they say the same terms directed at you for who you are is very different. 

In my experience, when peers come out at school as any part of the LGBTQA+ community, including but not limited to being gender diverse, they are often not able to come out at home. They tell peers at school because they feel safe. They trust these people to accept them and allow them to explore this part of their identity. So when this safe space comes with significant backlash, such as bullying, social isolation and general micro-aggressions, it causes distress within rainbow youths. 

I want schools to be safer. I wish for young people to be able to feel safe at their place of learning. As I mentioned earlier, school is a place for development and growth. If someone feels trapped and can not express themselves, it prevents them from having a more cohesive identity as they enter adulthood. 

Schools are getting safer. More schools are celebrating rainbow events, such as Wear It Purple Day, and engaging in further LGBTQA+ support and education, but there is still a long way to go. Times are changing, society is becoming more accepting. More young people are feeling confident to voice identifying as part of the LGBTQA+ community and pushing for their right to feel as safe at school as their non-rainbow peers. 

The biggest hope that I hold is that the next generation of rainbow youth will be able to feel safer existing at school than I have. And this reality is on its way.

My experience…

I have chosen to not come out at school as gender diverse. While some close friends know, I do not want to tell my broader peers. While it is important to educate people who are cis and/or straight about the LGBTQA+ experience, it is very exhausting having to have to justify and explain your existence everyday. In the past, I have had people say awful things to me about others in my cohort that identify as gender diverse, calling them “melodramatic” and “faking it”. As I know this attitude is very prominent in my school, I have decided it is best, for my own safety, to stay in the closet. 

Every morning I wake up, put on a dress that makes me uncomfortable and respond to a name and pronouns that are not mine. I would prefer to never come out and live under a false name and gender than come out and deal with the daily, inescapable bigotry and ignorance. Where I can I advocate for the LGBTQA+ community with peers and teachers to allow them to grow a deeper understanding for the community. Having people say ignorant and bigited terms when educating them I accept as it’s a part of the process. But, when they say the same terms directed at you for who you are is very different. 

In my experience, when peers come out at school as any part of the LGBTQA+ community, including but not limited to being gender diverse, they are often not able to come out at home. They tell peers at school because they feel safe. They trust these people to accept them and allow them to explore this part of their identity. So when this safe space comes with significant backlash, such as bullying, social isolation and general micro-aggressions, it causes distress within rainbow youths. 

I want schools to be safer. I wish for young people to be able to feel safe at their place of learning. As I mentioned earlier, school is a place for development and growth. If someone feels trapped and can not express themselves, it prevents them from having a more cohesive identity as they enter adulthood. 

Schools are getting safer. More schools are celebrating rainbow events, such as Wear It Purple Day, and engaging in further LGBTQA+ support and education, but there is still a long way to go. Times are changing, society is becoming more accepting. More young people are feeling confident to voice identifying as part of the LGBTQA+ community and pushing for their right to feel as safe at school as their non-rainbow peers. 

The biggest hope that I hold is that the next generation of rainbow youth will be able to feel safer existing at school than I have. And this reality is on its way. 

If you, or someone you know is gender diverse and is in need of mental, physical and emotional support, please do not hesitate to get in touch with our friends at:

Twenty10

The Gender Centre

QLife