Written by: | Katherine Sciacca | She/Her | Age: 36| IG: kathsciacca

Reflecting is a past time that is very underrated. For me I find taking time to reflect to be an important tool when it comes to self discovery, self awareness, self acceptance and self love. I personally find myself reflecting the most on my past and the experiences I’ve had that helped form the person I am today. Reflecting on my growth from the struggles as a lesbian youth helps me to be grateful for the confidence I have as a lesbian adult. Reflecting on the experiences of a loved one as they navigate the same queer path as a youth in today’s world, makes me grateful for my struggles so I can work towards making sure she never has them.

1998 Part 1:

14 was the age I was when I came out to my Mum. It wasn’t planned and I wasn’t ready but it was now or never. I told a friend at school that I like girls and she then announced to all our other friends at lunch time, ‘what would you do if your friend was a lesbian?’ I was mortified and as expected not all responses were positive. When I got home from school that day my mum could tell I was upset, I tried to shrug it off but she wouldn’t let it budge so I blurted out, “I am bi-sexual” to which she abruptly responded with, “no you are not” and walked out of the room.

1984:

I was born a chubby baby and as the years went on, my gold locks grew and my dresses twirled. Thankfully not long after, the hair turned from long and blonde to short and brown, I adored hand me downs from my brother and would sometimes even wish for my name to be Kevin. I played kiss and catch in primary school on the boys team. No one thought twice. I’d be referred to as ‘he’ and ‘him’ and I loved being one of the boys. I don’t recall ever wanting to be a boy but I remember feeling that ‘being one of the boys’ meant the feelings I had for girls was okay.

1998 Part 2:

Like most stories of my youth, they are a blur but I remember bits and pieces, the parts associated with feelings are always the ones to remember anyway. Those memories are the ones you grow from. I remember my sister being the adult I needed to help me feel ok and that everything would be ok. I remember her being the one that had the rest of the family follow suit with acceptance and love.

2008:

My sister had twins. E & Z.

2019:

Z called me on the phone and told me she likes girls. I remember my heart bursting with joy for her, I remember hearing the nervousness yet in the same breath also hearing her happiness. 11 years old, 3 years younger than I was. Choosing to share herself with a loved one, a loved one from within her blood family and also her LGBTQI+ family.

She wasn’t afraid like I had been. She was liberated. She was learning and accepting parts of herself that she was growing into and loving. She proudly wears her bisexual flag necklace and her pride clothing as she continues to embark on her youthful days. Her mother; my sister, continues being the one that has the rest of the family follow suit with acceptance and love, this time thankfully with little to no resistance.

2021:

Reflecting back on myself as a 14 year old, the heartbreak of coming out, dealing not only with trying to understand and accept myself but at the same time also dealing with homophobia at school and within society. Don’t get me wrong I had good people in my life, love, a home and I was safe and happy but it all didn’t come without some struggles.

Reflecting on the 11 year old who was worlds stronger than I ever was. Who walks as a proud bisexual and continues to stay true to being her authentic fun creative self. I salute her, I take my hat off to her. I am also eternally grateful for her. That her journey has begun in a time where diversity and inclusion is something people dedicate time to. People are aware of equality and what it truly means. She won’t need to March for marriage rights in Australia or be afraid thinking she’s the only one like her.

The good fight certainly isn’t over for the youth of the past and the youth of today. But Z the 11 year old, has given inner me, K and my 14 year old self the drive to make a difference and to continue to ensure that when all LGBTQI+ youth look in the queer mirror they are only faced with fairness for them all.

Edited by: | Lia Cummins | She/Her | Instagram: @liacummins |